Setting Goals in Psychotherapy: What You Should Know
Psychotherapy is a unique process that serves to better one’s life through the understanding and unraveling of past experiences and how they impact behavior thoughts and feelings in the present. Thus, outlining goals in such a process, where goals may change over time presents a challenge to a more contained goal-setting strategy that applies to say, physical therapy (“improve mobility in my knees by Spring”) or fitness training (“improve upper body strength in time for softball season.”). This doesn’t mean that one should not examine one’s purpose for seeking therapy and share it with the therapist in the initial meetings. But it does require a different kind of strategy.
How to Set Goals for Therapy
Be (somewhat) Specific
One’s reasons for seeking treatment are as individual as the person herself. But many people, especially those entering therapy for the first time may feel intimidated by stating a specific reason for being there. Statements like “I just want to be happier” or “I want to do life better,” or even “my spouse/parent made me be here” are vague and can potentially set up a barrier to beginning the treatment. In some ways, the vagueness wards off connection between therapist and patient and the therapy could have a rocky start. Some people fight off a sense of shame or stigma coming to therapy and therefore avoid being more specific with what they wish to work on in treatment. Knowing that making the initial decision to choose your mental health over continuing complacency with life as it is could be a starting point to clarifying your goals, be it to understand your relationship patterns better, or finding ways to manage a challenging family dynamic or to heal past traumas.
Ask for Help
You may not be able to fully articulate what you need in a therapeutic setting, especially if this is your first time. Your therapist can help guide you to better clarify what you are looking to do in therapy in the initial stages of the work.
Knowing What Can and Can’t Be Changed
Therapy can be extremely effective in helping process both present day interpersonal conflicts and past traumas and ruptures. But it cannot do everything. Some factors cannot be changed, like the realities of a medical illness, the untimely death of a loved one, an unfortunate employment restructuring or unfairness at school. It can tempting to feel some dissatisfaction that therapy is ineffective here and generalize that dissatisfaction to therapy as a whole. But keeping in mind that what can be changed is one’s attitude and approach to these vicissitudes of life can deepen one’s resolve to continue working in treatment and perhaps reframe goals according to life events as they happen.
Realize That Goals Shift
In a so-called depth psychological treatment, issues may arise that had been buried before or unrealized until certain problems were openly discussed. It may be that one’s patterns are predicated on coping strategies that no longer serve and now the focus of the therapy moves to addressing why they no longer serve and how to amend them. In other cases, the long-held traumas that have remained unspoken emerge and therapy must take another direction. Holding goals lightly is advised; goals will not change fundamentally, but they may shift as time goes on.
Speak Up!
Therapy is based on a relationship, a highly specialized and unique relationship but a relationship nonetheless. Therefore, like in all relationships, there may be misunderstandings and miscommunications. If you feel as though you are not being heard, or that the goal that you have set for yourself is being ignored, it is imperative that you speak up. It may be that the conversation has veered off for a good reason; there is more to unpack that may seem tangential or irrelevant to you in the moment. But it’s also possible that things went off track and there needs to be a realignment back to why you came in the first place, even if it’s for your benefit to restate your initial goal.
Understanding Therapeutic Progress Takes Time
Finally, it is essential to understand that therapy takes time. You may get discouraged from time to time and feel as though progress is glacially slow and your goals will never be met. However, the patterns being addressed in therapy did not arise in short order, thus the means to understand and realign them will take time as well. It’s perfectly acceptable to voice your frustrations about how long therapy seems to be taking; you and your therapist can and should discuss that frustration.
Setting specific goals for your therapy is useful to stay motivated and focused but with the caveat that therapeutic goals can shift over time. So, it’s best to remain open to your own process in therapy and try not to get discouraged by the time it may take. And always feel free to speak up when you feel frustrated.