When to Consider Switching Therapists: Signs and Steps
Let’s say you’ve begun with a new therapist, but things don’t seem to be taking off; there seems to be a disconnect that feels vaguely uncomfortable. Or you’ve been in therapy for a while and now things seem stalled. Although you’ve worked through impasses before, lately you’ve felt that progress has ebbed and you’re unsure about why you are continuing. Or your current therapist is not trained to treat your specific needs, like substance abuse or an eating disorder. These are all indicators that it may be time to switch therapists.
For therapy to be effective, the fit between therapist and patient is essential. Although you may not always feel good in a given session, overall, the connection between you and your therapist should be warm, empathic, personal and engaged. The following are some additional signs it may be time to switch therapists.
Inappropriate Behavior
First and foremost, therapists are expected to behave ethically. This includes refraining from boundary violations either physically or emotionally. Sexually inappropriate behavior is not to be tolerated and leaving that practice immediately is in order. Therapists that cross boundaries in other ways, e.g. unsolicited social media contact, suggestions to meet outside the therapy space or taking up too much time talking about herself are all unacceptable behaviors. There should be no question in your mind about switching to another therapist.
The above example is an extreme one. But there are others less obvious, but just as compelling regarding switching therapists.
Therapy Feels Too Impersonal
At the start of any treatment, both parties are getting to know one another, so some formality may linger. But if you feel as though your current therapist is just too distant and removed in her demeanor you may want to seek treatment with someone who is warmer and more engaged. This is a personal choice; some may prefer a more reserved therapist. But if you don’t feel comfortable in the treatment, chances are the therapy will stall.
Avoiding Therapy Appointments
As the therapy progresses over time, you may find yourself looking for excuses not to attend your next session…or the session after that. You may start questioning why you are still in this process, find that you are being less than honest with your therapist than you used to be or sensing that you are drifting away from the therapy, out of frustration or disinterest. It is vital that you bring this up with your therapist and discuss the impasse. Perhaps you and your therapist have gone as far as you could go and it’s time for a change. Or that you and the therapist are both experiencing something that, with a genuine exchange on this topic, could reroute the course of the treatment for the better. Any well-trained therapist will be able to navigate with you through that tough conversation.
You Do Not Feel Heard
You may feel reasonably comfortable talking to your therapist, but increasingly you feel as though she isn’t getting you, that she doesn’t really hear what you’re saying. Even when you clarify what you’re talking about, she still seems mystified and perhaps gets defensive about your experience with her. This interaction may signal that there is a problem in the therapy and without sufficient resolution, a change may be indicated.
Your Improvement Has Stalled
Impasses in treatment are bound to occur as therapy is not straightforward. Ebbs and flows in the course of treatment happen. However, there may come a time when improvements seem to have halted. The content in sessions feels trivial to you and inescapably redundant. You may notice having a harder time talking to your therapist. This could signify that you and your therapist are no longer the best fit.
What Steps to Take
With the exception of inappropriate behavior, any one of the above signs should be discussed with your therapist. There could be a lull in the treatment that with honest appraisals by both therapist and patient, could lead to the work being renewed in a more promising and effective nature. However, if there is no way to work through what has changed to cause the dissatisfaction, then it is advisable to express your wish to terminate and seek therapy elsewhere. In general, it’s preferable to have this discussion face-to-face. However, if you feel unsafe having that conversation, then an email could suffice. What is not suggested is to merely drop out of therapy with no word. This forecloses on you getting some closure in the treatment and the therapist gaining some insight as to why the treatment has come to an end.
Spending time in a therapy situation that is no longer productive is a waste of time and money. Recognizing when the therapy needs a genuine reboot versus when it’s time to switch includes addressing the issue honestly in your current therapy. It may be a difficult conversation to have but it is the most direct method of resolving the dilemma.